“Hi, I am anxiety!”

Tell me, how does it feel being so alone? How does it feel being hit and stuck from uncertainty again? How does it feel being alive with me inside your pretty miserable mind? Are you still okay? Stop, just stop convincing yourself that you’re fine because you’re not. I know you well, I am living inside you, creeping you when there’s a chance, holding your happy thoughts, and letting go of the negative ones to kill your confidence.

Hi, I am anxiety and we’re living together for so long. We’ve known each other for about a years and still counting, sweet isn’t it? While you feel that everyone already left, I am here. When you feel in delight, I am here, waiting. Waiting for you to realize that eventually, every happiness will fade. When you want to go on with your life in this cruel world, I am just here at your back, letting you know that the world is not a safe place anymore. You need to hide, let’s go hide in the dark and reminisce every hard times of the past chapters and let’s overthink if what another day will bring us. That’s more safer than living outside in our safe sanctuary.

You get tired of having me in your life but, hey, I will stay and I will never leave you. I am your shadow, yes, you can’t see me in the dark but still, you can feel my presence. Of course, there’s a time that you feel free because you forgot me for a while but you’ll ended up coming back to me, even though, you’re exhausted of having me. Somehow, you are getting used of my existence, and I am liking it.

I know you are in the verge of giving up, you’re just scared of letting all the positivity in you. Being weak and being a coward is okay, you don’t need to be brave every seconds of your life. Giving up sometimes is way more better and more easier than pretending that you are tough and strong. You’re such a liar! Don’t lie to me, I am your inner self, I can change you to be the kind of person that I want you to be. I can live every breath you take, I can smile when you’re sad and down, I am healthy, unlike you. Emotionally weak! 

You want to get rid of me right? Then what are you waiting for? Kill me! Don’t stop yourself from hating me, I would love that. Let’s escape the life, let’s escape the reality, the sorrowful world that full of lies and misery. Let’s go to the another dimension, which only you and me there. No blockages, no complications, no pretending, and no one will control us. Let’s go? 

Why? Why you can’t do it? Just slash it, c’mon! That won’t hurt. Yes, get that shiney gun, you can pull the trigger when you like. Point it, point it to your head, perfect! What? Just pull the trigger you sad human! You can do it, don’t be scared. Everything will be fine after that, you will be alright! Do it, pull it! 

What? You’re really that stupid. You want to stay and feel every strikes of pain and numbness? Why don’t you just hang yourself and let everyone scream tomorrow? You know, they are all tired of having you. You are a burden to them, they don’t love you! You are not important. You are a disappointment to them, see, they don’t even see that you are suffering. So what is the reason of you, for you to stay? Nothing.

If you love them, you need to sacrifice. Don’t be a selfish, unlike you, they need to live freely with no extra baggage. Yes, you’re just a heavy load to them, so better just disappear! Alright, hang it there, get the chair and step on it. You can do it, you are not alone with this, I am anxiety, and I am here. 

I won’t leave you, I won’t leave you so that you can’t be happy, you are me. I am you. We are together. We both live. Breathing yet already dead…